Sunday, November 22, 2009

Gratitude because.....

“We count our miseries carefully,
and accept our blessings without much thought."

~ Chinese Proverb


I have met countless people who can describe in detail why something is unpleasant for them, why something isn’t working or what is going wrong in their life, and yet their gratitude is only a single word or short phrase. Does being able to explain in detail the reason why you have gratitude for something make a difference in the energy behind it? I went on a quest for answers.


Some people I talked with had long laundry lists of gratitude,but they seemed to talk more about their problems and complaints. Others had shorter lists, and shared beautiful stories with me about each items on their list.


I met people who had similar items on their gratitude list and different responses to my question: “you are grateful for this because…..?”


One woman I met with had written “I am thankful for my health” on her gratitude list. When I asked her “You are grateful for your health because…..”, her answer was a sharp: “Well! Because I just am, and I am insulted to be asked why!.” It reminded me of when my parents would tell me do to something and when I asked why I heard: ” because
I said so”. This answer didn’t help me to understand.

In contrast, I met with Nancy who also had written on her list “I am thankful for my health”. When I asked “she was grateful because….” what she told me was: “I am thankful I have my health, because that means I can take care of my kids. I brought these beautiful children in the world and they depend on me. When I have my health I can enjoy them and take care of them. And that make me feel such a deep feeling for love and life, that I call that a grateful feeling.” In order to feel the depth of her gratitude Nancy believes that she must be willing to know why she feels gratitude. Anything less, to her, is simply lip service.

I find that every time I do this exercise I find new feelings around each incident I list in Gratitude. Several other people shared with me how doing this exercise made a difference in their feelings of gratitude.

“He who knows others is learned;
He who knows himself is wise.”

~ Lao-tzu, Tao te Ching


For this Thanksgiving season, do this for yourself and see if there is any difference in the depth of your feelings of Gratitude.

Write down a few things on that you are Grateful for.

And then continue the sentence with: because…..|
See what you can discover with your because.



"The important thing is not to stop questioning our reasons
Never lose a holy curiosity.”

~ Albert Einstein



(c) 2009 excerpt from book: Stress Out, show stress who's the boss

Focus on the reasons to complain = stress

Focus on the reasons for gratitude = happy


More happy = less stress


www.StressOut-book.com

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Life can be as sweet as you make it

How to find love in loss

Can we find sweet moments amid life changes? This month’s Spiritual Cinema Circle volume brings a message of love and hope within life’s difficult moments. Starring Kristen Stewart (Twilight) and Bruce Dern (Monster) the feature, Cake Eaters, is a coming-of-age drama all ages can relate to. This heart-felt story explores the new (and old) connections between two small-town families. A young woman with degenerative disease feels she has no time to lose in becoming a woman while a widower struggles to reconcile with his sons. Sparks fly as young love story begins and a longtime romance comes to light.

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Sunday, June 21, 2009

Network Miracle

My friend Michelle is focused on opening a spiritual spa in Costa Rico. She sent me this update. Her commitment, her knowing that she is worthy, and her faith in her Spiritual support may be an inspiration to others so I am sharing her words here:

I was attending my monthly business
networking meeting held at various local businesses. This meeting was hosted by a deluxe assisted living facility in Venice. The first miracle was the luxurious spread they provided us for breakfast complete with chefs making our custom omelets to the beautifully carved ice sculpture.

Every meeting there is a drawing from the business cards for lovely p
rizes. Often they are things/services that I’m not interested in and I wish them for the person whose life will be enhanced most in receiving them. However, on numerous occasions there are prizes I desire and I say, “That’s mine” or “I want that!” Yes, they’ve picked my card 99% of the time that happens. Today I wanted a gift for a very silly reason. I wanted the gift bag it was it. The bag was all sparkly and pretty and I’d run out of bags to gift people things in. The prize happened to be a bottle of wine (not something I’m big on) and a bottle stopper with a beautiful silver heart….the heart will stay with me for a while

Everyone gets a chance to stand up, introduce themselves and their businesses. I stood up and said, “For all those who have been following my Spa Retreat progress…..manifestation, I thought it was Costa Rica but recently Panama has been presenting more powerfully. If anyone has any leads or ideas, please let me know.”

At the end of the meeting, a gal who worked at the assisted living facility, Julie *, came up to me and said, “I live in Panama”. She has homes here and there. She asked what areas I was considering. Trying not to be too specific and open, I said, “kind of around the west side, near Costa Rica.” Julie says, “I live in Bocas Del Toro.” She couldn’t help but notice my eyes getting bigger than saucers. Bocas Del Tor has been in my mind for months. Bocas info and pictures were on my desk that very moment. She said she could connect me with the various spas around and I could stay at her apartment. We agreed to get together later that evening at her place.

So I’m going to my new angel’s place to talk business and possibilities. Lo and behold, thanks to my morning’s winnings, I even have a gift to bring….a lovely bottle of wine! I arrive at Julie’s condo right at the beach on Venice Island and her husband Dan* answers the door. It was kind of interesting as he is all dressed up….in swim trunks! As I enter I see she is wearing a bathing suit herself. I’m thinking, “She’s totally comfortable in the midst of luxury and totally down to earth too – I like these people!” My first feelings couldn’t have been more right. We talked and laughed for hours feeling like we’d known and loved each other forever.

Turns they have all the connections I could possibly dream of in Panama. Dan is in construction and knows about properties, building and dealing with “the system”. Julie has holistic training, knows how to go into the rainforest to get plants for cooking and healing. She gave me some soap she made that smelled good enough to eat. She showed me her hand-crafted jewelry made from sharks teeth and shells. Layer after delightful layer of complimentary information unfolded.

So, I had all sorts of choices. I could go now, stay at their place and flounder on my own…..not good timing anyway (legal stuff not quite finished here). I could go with Dan in August when he prepares the way for Julie’s effortless arrival. Or I could go with Julie in September effortlessly flying in with her. I won’t need to know how to call a taxi or even where my apartment is. I’ll just have an Angel to guide me around, show me the ropes and introduce me to all sorts of cool people and adventures. I choose Door 3, thank you Universe!

So, I’ll be dancing off to Panama in September to live and scope out areas for the Spa Retreat. I’ve been doing plenty of virtual traveling and now it’s time for me to really see and feel the areas. Then I’ll be able to provide more info for the Spa Retreat Birth Plan to present to my potential financiers. They are beautiful people but a little more “practically” minded than I. The Universe will provide and my Angels and Fairies are always taking care of me aren’t enough for them.

More adventures later……






Michelle Hazelwood has contributed to the elevation of the planet through motivating, training, and sharing the personal benefits of fitness with men and women throughout the United States since 1982.

Offering a high level of expertise to the Personal Training profession, Michelle brings years of certified qualifications to her clients. You can learn more about Michelle through her website: Universal Wellness

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Why Not You?

(excerpt from It Works with Simple Keys
© Self Investment Publishing, all rights reserved)

What you are accomplishing may seem like
a drop in the ocean.
But if this drop were not in the ocean, it
would be missed.”
~ Mother Theresa ~


In response to why you can't have or can't do what you want, have you ever heard yourself say:

(a) …..I don’t have the education, or I’m not smart enough.
(b) …..I don’t have the money.
(c) …..I’ve always failed in the past.
(d) …..I don’t know how it will be done.
(e) …..I don’t have the time.
(f) ….. I don’t……



(a) If you said ….. I don’t have the education, or I’m not smart enough.


“Knowledge is of two kinds: we know a subject ourselves,
or we know where we can
find information upon it.”
~Samuel Johnson~


Henry Ford had a long and prosperous career manufacturing automobiles. He personally did not know how to build one, so instead of killing his dream, he found other people who had the knowledge and skills. He surrounded himself with the people who could build his dream cars.


Do you need a more current example?: Les Brown, Successful Entrepreneur, Best Selling Author, Radio and Television Celebrity has had no formal education beyond high school, but with persistence and determination he has initiated and continued a process of unending self-education which has distinguished him as an authority on harnessing human potential. Les Brown's passion to learn and his hunger to realize greatness in himself and others helped him to achieve greatness.


And sometimes admitting to not knowing all the answers is your perfect place to start.


“It is impossible for a person to learn
what they
think they already know.”
~ Epictetus ~


“The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.”
~ Malcolm Forbes ~



(b) If you said ….I don’t have the money.


So many people give up on what they DESIRE because they believe a certain amount of money is necessary for its attainment and it is impossible otherwise. By focusing on money as the obstacle to having, you will miss opportunities for support, answers and other creative solutions.


If your LIST includes a thing, such as a car, there are many ways to get a new car without spending a great deal of money, and sometimes no money. Some people go to work for companies that provide new cars for their employees; some people become test drivers for company’s new cars; some people enter contests and involve themselves in projects where a car is the reward.


There are companies that hire people to housesit fine homes and drive the homeowner’s vehicles while the owners are on extended vacations. For other things, mystery shoppers get paid to try products and services.


If your LIST includes attractive clothing, you may find local manufacturers in your area desiring to sell their “sample” display clothes.


Years ago, I met a man who desired to own a clothing store, and didn’t have the funds that he believed were required. He started visiting the Los Angeles Clothing Mart, buying the “samples” and “sales display” items for greatly reduced prices with whatever amount of money he could scrape together.


He then took these purchases to local swap meets and sold them for a little more than he paid for them. He then took this money back to the Mart and bought more clothes. Then back to the swap meet. He did this over and over again; until he had the amount he thought he needed to open a retail store. In the process however, he discovered that he really enjoyed the benefits of his current work schedule of one day at the clothing mart and two days at the swap meet. So instead of opening a retail store in one location, he continued what he was already doing, only on a bigger scale. He now has other people working for him at various swap meets and he spends his time overseeing a very flexible business.


Two other people however, desired to provide internet service for less, in fact, they desired to provide it for free.* They wrote a compelling business plan and showing it to a number of investors, were promptly turned down by all of them. Finally one enterprising investment company saw the potential in their business plan, and provided the financial backing NetZero needed to get started. (*When Net Zero was first introduced they offered internet access for free.)



(c) If you said I’ve always failed in the past.


“I never failed once. It just happened to be a 2000-step process.”
~ Thomas Edison ~


Walt Disney had a passionate desire to pursue a career in commercial art, which is how he began his original experiments in animation. He started by producing short animated films for local businesses in Kansas City. By the time Walt had started to create The Alice Comedies, which was about a real girl and her adventures in an animated world, he ran out of money. His company at the time. Laugh-O-Grams went bankrupt.


Instead of giving up, Walt packed his suitcase and with his unfinished print of The Alice Comedies in hand, headed for Hollywood to start a new business. It was Walt Disney’s enthusiasm and faith in himself and others that took him straight to the top of Hollywood society. Walt Disney's dream of a clean and organized amusement park also came true when Disneyland Park in Anaheim opened in 1955.


Wally Amos opened his first Famous Amos store, with cookies based on his aunt's recipe which he baked himself. Within 10 years his sales had grown to more than $10 million. Due to financial troubles, Amos was forced to sell the Famous Amos Company, and trademarked name "Famous Amos".


Turning adversity into opportunity, Amos launched a new cookie venture, The Uncle Noname's Cookie Company. With America's tastes shifting towards healthier foods, the company focused on fat-free, nutritious muffins at that time. Uncle Noname ultimately became Uncle Wally's Muffin Company in 1999. The muffins are sold in more than 3,500 stores nationwide.


Dr. Seuss’ first book was rejected by over 27 publishers. He had a fleeting thought to burn the manuscript. Instead he sent it out one more time.


The authors of Chicken Soup for the Soul were told by numerous publishers that “the title was too stupid” and that their book was “too positive”.


What if you get a different result than you are asking for on your list? When this happens, many people will mistakenly think they are doing something wrong, or worse – that the are wrong; or they can’t have what they are asking for or other destructive thoughts. Every result either takes you directly closer to your DESIRES, or it has an answer for your next step.



See Simple Key – INSPIRED ACTION


“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize
how close they were to success when they gave up.”

~ Thomas Edison ~


There are many true stories of how so many successful people have experienced failure and how they bounced back.


To help you motivate yourself through your own failures try these three next simple steps:



Step #1:


Start researching successful people that you know or have heard about. Start with those people that YOU admire.


Read the biographies of these successful people. If they are still alive, find a way to interview them. Find out the details of their journey, especially the details of how they transformed any failure into the next step towards their success.


This is especially helpful when you find someone who has experienced similar challenges as you have.


Start your list here of people you will research:

"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are right."
~ Henry Ford ~



Step #2:



(a) Make a LIST of those projects you have started and completed successfully. Start NOW


(b) Make a LIST of those times you exceeded your own expectations. Start NOW


(c) Make a LIST of those things you have REALLY desired in the past, and you received. Start NOW



Step #3:



Find and learn from a mentor(s).


“Don’t wait for someone to take you under their wing.
Find a wing to crawl under.”

~ Dave Thomas ~


Successful people do not have conflict in their lives; they may actually have more, due to the level of their success. They have learned how to use it to their advantage. One of the best ways to learn how to be successful at anything is to surround yourself with people who are already successful and willing to share their information with you.


Find someone who is successful in their business, or in the business you desire to be in and ask if they will mentor you. Many successful people find it a compliment to be asked.


Some of the questions to ask yourself when seeking a mentor:


(1) Why have I selected this person?


(2) What do I already know about this person and their success and failures?


(3) What benefit is it to this person to be my Mentor? What can you offer this person in exchange for being your mentor? What is in it for the Mentor? Some Mentors will require you to prove your commitment and may give you a project to complete, or an accountability plan to follow. Some may require that you pay them for their time or donate to a charity they support. Be prepared to know what you have to offer. Before you say “I have nothing to offer”, STOP, and think about it. Every person has something to offer.


(4) What do I expect to receive from this Mentor?


(5) What do I expect to achieve from working with this Mentor?



Step #4:



Surround yourself with like-minded people, Do your research. Remember the story of the young lady and her “100% supportive friends”. There are also several mentoring programs and Master Mind groups available.


Some of the questions to ask yourself when considering a Master Mind group:


(1) What are the time and financial commitment, and other requirements to be a part of this group?


(2) Who else is in the Group? What are their businesses?


(3) What benefit are these members to me, and what benefit am I to them by participating in this group?


(4) Am I willing to keep ALL the required commitments?


(5) What do I expect to receive, achieve or accomplish from being in this group?



(d) If you said I don’t know how it will be done or accomplished.


Very few people have all the answers when they set about desiring new things and conditions in their lives. Instead of thinking about how to do it, they focused on it already accomplished.


“Our minds become magnetized with the dominating thoughts
we hold in our minds
and these magnets attract to us the forces, the people,
the circumstances of life which harmonize
with the nature of our dominating thoughts.”

~ Napoleon Hill ~


As you follow The Plan and The Three Positive Rules of Accomplishment you will be impregnating your mind with your DESIRES. The clearer you hold these pictures your mind you will find yourself drawing the people and circumstances to you that you need.


“You have to recognize when the right place and the right time fuse
and take advantage of that opportunity.
There are plenty of opportunities out there. You can't sit back and wait.”

~ Ellen Metcalf ~



(e) If you said I don’t have the time.


“Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have,
and only you can determine how it will be spent.”
~ Carl Sandburg ~


If someone offered you all the money you desired if you would only get up 15 minutes earlier – would you get up 15 minutes earlier?


If someone offered you the body you desired if you would give them 15 minutes of your lunch hour – would you give them 15 minutes of your lunch hour ?


If someone offered you what you desired most in life, if you would turn the TV off for 15 minutes at night – would you turn the TV off for 15 minutes at night ?


“How we spend our days is,
of course, how we spend our lives.”
~ Annie Dillard ~


There are many excuses used by people. Only a few of them have been addressed. When you find yourself using one, ask yourself – how badly do I really desire what I say I desire?


“Struggle ends where commitment begins.“ *
~ Sumner Davenport ~


*Voted to be included in the Top 10 Healthy Thoughts of 2007


It Works with Simple Keys
by RHJ and Sumner M. Davenport
available in 3 formats

Paperback Kindle Edition

e-book/paperback combo



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Saturday, December 13, 2008

Is that the truth?

Recently a client expressed excitement that Oprah, the woman who has everything, was going to admit that even she couldn’t lose weight and keep it off. I don’t know what Oprah is going to say during her January show about her weight and living her best life. I only know what is true – right now - in my life, or in some cases my clients’ lives.

I can relate to a client struggling with weight loss. I eliminated over 68 pounds from my body over 35 years ago, and I still remember why I gained all that weight; what I had to do to see and accept the truth about why I gained it and kept it on; and how I was able to release the excess weight and still not regain it. I also remember all the emotions and fears attached to both having the weight, and the journey of letting it go.

Over the years one statement still rings in my head – “the truth shall set you free”.

When I was at my heaviest, I was lamenting with a friend who was also one of my greatest mentors, that no matter what I did, I couldn’t lose weight. Her question was simple: Is that the truth? Her question startled me at first, and I answered “yes” and reiterated that I was doing everything. We continued to chat about my unhappiness with my weight, and with every answer I gave her question remained the same – “is that the truth?”

As children we are told to always tell the truth, yet the most destructive lies are the ones we tell to ourselves. Lying to ourselves can become such a habit, we may believe those habits are the truth. I still ask this question of myself and with every client.

When I struggled with my weight, it was the truth that set me free. My excess weight was tied to my self esteem, which had been damaged when I was raped. When I saw that truth, I was able to see that my excess weight was not the only area in my life that I struggled with. When I worked to heal my self esteem, I was able to hear the truth more clearly each time I began to self sabotage with an old habit. Another client had learned that her weight was her way of controlling other people. When she listened for the deep truth, she learned why she used this behavior and how she could change this habit of needing to control others. These examples are not suggesting that every person should be a certain body size or weight. Some people can truthfully know that their body size is their perfect size, and not an effect of hiding from the truth.


One client struggled to increase her business. On the outside she talked about wanting to help people, when the truth was all about making money. At the same time she was hiding from her fear that she was measuring her self worth against her bank account. Another client couldn’t seem to get out of debt. The truth not only showed her why she was in debt, she discovered a deeper anger that she thought she hid well. By seeing and accepting the truth, she has not only reduced her debt, and effectively manages new expenses, her stress has become more manageable as well.

One client had been struggling with the success of her business for years. She is talented and intelligent and has the credentials and experience to support her chosen profession. The results in her life appeared as months where her client base increased as well as her income and then it would crash. It appears she followed the latest trend in advertising and marketing and saw some promising results. Then it appeared that the flow had run dry and she struggled to pay her financial obligations that month. Some days she would be excited and some days she was angry and fearful.

During my mother’s era it was common for women to get a job as something to do until they found a husband who would then take over the care of their lives, earning the income while the woman stayed home to raise a family. “Women’s Lib” was introduced in the 60’s, and now many people loudly condemn a woman who may want an “old fashioned” marriage. I saw an interview with Gloria Steinem recently where she stated that women’s lib is about a woman having equal rights so they can choose their own path, be it to stay at home and be a mother, or to work outside the home. Much has changed in our society where the family dynamics have expanded that either or both parents participate in raising the children and earning the income.

In working with this client she admitted the truth that her deepest desire was to have a loving husband, and not have her own independent business. She wanted to be a wife and team player with him in his business, as she had been with her first husband who unfortunately and passed away from cancer after a few years of marriage. She was afraid to mention this goal in any of her goal support groups, because instead of receiving support she always received negative comments, including telling her that she was selling out, she didn’t need a man to be whole and similar responses. She continued to work on her business and disguise her unhappiness.

When she started looking at the truth in her life, she was able to see where she set her business aside every time she started dating a man she interested in. Instead of promoting her business, she was focused on the potential personal relationship. Her business ups and downs correlated to her personal relationships whether she was in one or not.

When she started to see the truth, she didn’t need to tell anyone else. She didn’t need to justify it to anyone else. She only needed to know it for herself. She was able to see that there are men who want a wife who is also a team partner in business; there are men who want a stay at home wife; there are men who don’t want a wife at all. There are men who want families of all sizes and dynamics. Once she told herself the truth, she could see several possibilities.

Now she doesn’t tell anyone else what her deepest desire is. Instead she now sees her business as a valuable reflection of her integrity. She focuses on keeping her business clean and debt free so that she will attract a man with similar financial integrity. She focuses on giving her clients the best service, so that if or when she chooses to let go of her independent business she can do so with knowing she always gave her best. She continues to nourish only business contacts that she would be proud to introduce to anyone. And her business is more consistently successful than ever.

Recently there is a renewed buzz about the Law of Attraction, and with as many people saying it works there are just as many people complaining that it doesn’t.

I met Louise Hay, one of the founders of the self-help movement, over 30 years ago. When I saw her on television recently, she had the same answer today as she did 30 years ago. Someone said to her that the law of attraction doesn’t work. This person said that they had been using the affirmations that Louse suggested and the affirmations didn’t work; and that they were using the affirmations and the vision boards all the time. Louise simply suggested that if they were to journal each minute of their thoughts ad actions, the truth that would be revealed to them, would be that they were probably doing affirmations and looking at their vision board more than they had in the past, however they were also still telling themselves all the reasons why they couldn’t, shouldn’t and wouldn’t as many times as they had in the past. Plus they were probably increasing their habitual counter productive thoughts, statements and efforts because they wew now also repeating them after saying their affirmations and vision board. She suggested that by accepting this truth, they could then see how many times they were actually negating any positive thoughts and efforts with all the self defeating thoughts and efforts. From that truth they would be more aware and could make more conscious choices in the moment.

Whichever side of the equation a person chooses to accept – keeping the struggle or making the commitment to re-train their thoughts and actions, being truthful with themselves is the beginning of a powerful shift in their life.

Once you see the truth, you don’t need to make any changes if you don’t truthfully desire a change in your results. You can see the truth and still choose to attempt to ignore it or hide from it. The difference is that you will now be more aware of when you are not truthful with yourself.

There is a similarity in most people’s body response when they say they are doing everything to get the positive result and the positive result couldn’t be reached. Whether it’s changing financial status, weight, career, relationship or any other desired goal.

Anytime we say we are doing everything and not getting the result, the guilt meter in our body will alarm. It remembers the extra portions taken, and the other food items eaten that are not supporting the declaration of wanting to lose weight. It remembers every time a business plan is not followed and when the satisfaction of the moment is chosen instead of the commitment to the long term or life goal. It remembers every time a lie is said to support actions that move us away from the stated desired goal. It remembers what the deep underlying truth is that starts the cycle of denial. The alarm is the trigger of Guilt. The more we lie to oruselves, the more guilt chains are formed. The chains of guilt are a powerful jailer


.



We are more transparent that we want to believe. Many times the people we are sharing our excuses with can see our dishonesty more than we can. Similar to the emperors’ new clothes, where he falsely believed that he was wearing beautiful clothes, when in truth, he was naked. I have seen that when something said to us motivates us to knee-jerk react by behaving overly defensive or angry, that may be one alarm and the key to uncovering the truth. Although we usually don’t appreciate when a well-meaning friend tell us our dishonesty, this is where a good professional coach or therapist can be valuable.

Many people attempt to silence these alarms with food, alcohol, drugs, overwork, sex and even excessive exercise. When you allow yourself to see the truth, these alarms will be loud at first. Then you will hear them less. Not because you are ignoring them, instead it’s because they are no longer there.

Instead of building restricting chains of guilt in your energy you are building trust in yourself. The truth sets you free.

You can ask yourself this question, “is that the truth?’ about anything in your life. This question can assist you to find the truth about who you think you are, what you believe you are worth, and what is in your way. By living from truth, you will be able to see honesty what you want in life, regardless of what is popular. You will be able to see more clearly which obstacles you created or attracted by habit or fear. You will find your solutions. The truth will set you free from premature cognitive commitments; those previous opinions and habits you adopted without any thought or introspection.

It’s not about anyone else’s truth. It’s not about truth to someone else; it’s about truth to yourself.

Each time you are are truthful with yourself, your energy shifts, your language shifts, your thinking shifts and your actions change. When thought and action change, results change.

The truth can set you free.

Namaste'